07 August 2022

I never understood what you are, if anything, and they say you are a disease; other people say you are a learned behavior, nature vs. nurture. I guess I’m not too sure at the beginning. It was fun. I mean fun. I see it as an addiction because sex was my drug of choice; sex was the root and the stump with the tree, and everything else branched off. It bloomed from that tree because I would feed that six months as many times as possible. They told me drugs makes sex better and the climax that’s more Intense and satisfying. As you read this letter, you may say why do I say to addiction? I will explain what I mean by that later on in this letter. I didn’t know that I had this gene or this trait, I was exposed to you at an early age by my father to suffer from this disease. I took my first sip of beer, maybe around five or six, and did not enjoy it; it was disgusting. I started looking at scrambled pornography, Playboy magazines, and the late-night Cinemax movies soft-porn, but to me,  it was all sex. Fascinated about women’s bodies and how they worked moved. I was just obsessed about women and sex I still didn’t lose my virginity until 18 when I was in Richmond, Virginia, in AIT Advanced Individual Training.

I was learning my job skill for the military. I had dated in junior high and high school but sex and never came about not in the traditional way where me and a young girl get together don’t get me wrong I made out and had my share of exploring It was only after I lost my virginity that’s when the door of my addiction really open that’s when you really opened up to me that’s when you show me different ways did I could have instant gratification other than pleasing myself or masturbating now there were women beautiful women beautiful women across this country across the world that I could experience this with most was in relationships definitely but there was a few one-night standsThere are worse of situational benefits laugh out loud but it wasn’t until I got back home when my Military career was done and I was learning to be a father with two beautiful children and me and their mom separated it wasn’t until I found out that there was this world that  I didn’t know about until I knew about another was always these phone chat lines where you can call them and pay some money and get a free trial depending on your area or your phone number and you can meet local single women but you might be taking a gamble because people do lie hell I lied about what I look like in by what I wanted. I don’t fear you anymore. I have a healthy respect for you, that is to be accurate, but With God, all things are possible, even recovery. I believe that I will be a recovering addict until God takes me to the Paradise Kingdom of Heaven; if there’s anyone that’s reading this that my addiction or my sinful nature has hurt you in any way, I want to take the time to apologize, make amends saying I’m sorry hopefully by our wounds we can help heal others too. They say that you are a choice and a disease. I agree with both, But according to scripture, I have the power to choose not to send or not to use in any form or fashion that may be detrimental to my temple in my spirit.

Romans 12:3 “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

DJF